Why being hard on yourself is actually holding you back

Ever catch yourself thinking, "If I just had more willpower, I’d finally make a change!"?

Yeah, you're definitely not alone. But here's the kicker: science says that approach is all wrong. Turns out, being hard on yourself isn’t the magical motivator we all think it is. In fact, behavioural scientists agree: self-criticism is one of the least effective ways to inspire change.

Picture this: you're doing your best to make positive changes, but instead of cheering yourself on, there's a little critic on your shoulder telling you you're "lazy," "weak" or "incapable." Sounds fun, right? It’s anything but. It’s discouraging and makes things worse. When you beat yourself up, it drains your energy, makes it harder to control your urges and—here’s the fun part—leads to even more self-sabotage.

Those labels you slap on yourself? Your brain will have you acting in ways that prove them right. So, instead of hitting the gym, you're hitting the snack cupboard, because deep down, you're convinced you’ll fail anyway.

The problem with self-judgement is that it only strengthens the habits you're trying to change. It’s like driving with the handbrake on—you’re trying to move forward, but something is holding you back.

So, what's the fix? Compassionate self-talk. This means swapping out your inner critic for your inner cheerleader. Instead of tearing yourself down, start providing yourself with support.

Next time you hear that negative self-talk, ask yourself, "What would I say to a friend who was feeling this way?" You're probably great at offering support to others, but struggle to give yourself the same kindness. Sound familiar?

It might feel a bit awkward at first, but making this small change in how you talk to yourself can completely shift your mindset. The key to lasting change? Kindness, not criticism.

So, put down the harsh labels and take the handbrake off. Once you do, you’ll find the road ahead feels a whole lot smoother.