How Being “Nice” Leads to F* It Eating
Did you grow up hearing that you had to be “nice”?
You know, the agreeable, easygoing person who never causes a fuss, keeps everyone happy and certainly does not rock the boat?
If you were a little girl, chances are you got this message loud and clear.
Speak up? Too much.
Express strong opinions? Too loud.
Show anger or frustration? Definitely not ladylike.
Back in the day, this was the unspoken rule: little boys could be bold, assertive, even mischievous, but little girls? We were taught to be sweet, silent and agreeable.
Fast-forward a few decades and here we are—a generation of women entering menopause who’ve spent their lives bottling up opinions, swallowing emotions and holding back their voices. And guess what? That silence has built up. We’re ready to roar...
But after years of being “nice,” many of us don’t know how to do it without feeling like we’re breaking every rule we were raised with.
So instead of roaring, we eat.
Why Being “Nice” Turns Into F* It Eating
When we’ve been taught to suppress our emotions and needs, it doesn’t mean they go away. They simmer under the surface, looking for an outlet. Enter food.
Food is the socially acceptable way to push down what we feel we can’t say. It comforts, distracts and quiets the roar we’re too afraid—or unsure—of how to let out.
After a day of being agreeable, holding back our true feelings and catering to others, it’s no wonder we find ourselves reaching for cookies, chips, wine or all of three, all the while saying, “Fuck it. I deserve this.”
Why This Peaks During Menopause
Menopause is a time of huge physical and emotional shifts. Hormones are changing, roles are evolving and for many women, there’s a realisation:
I’ve spent my whole life taking care of others. But what about what I want?
The urge to finally speak up, set boundaries or prioritise yourself grows stronger, but the decades of being trained to keep the peace make it feel unnatural.
So instead of rocking the boat, you reach for comfort in the form of food.
How to Stop Silencing Yourself With Food
1. Identify the Feelings Behind the Food
Next time you find yourself reaching for food when you know you’re not hungry, pause. Ask yourself, What am I really feeling?
Are you frustrated? Overwhelmed? Unheard? Naming the emotion can help you address it directly rather than continue to push it down with food.
2. Practice Speaking Your Truth
Start flexing your voice in small, manageable ways. Say no to plans you’d rather skip. Share your preference, even for something as simple as what to watch on TV. It might feel awkward—or even a bit bossy—at first, but you’re simply speaking your truth.
Each small step helps you grow more comfortable with being honest about your needs.
3. Start by Being “Nice” To Yourself
The kindness you’ve been extending to everyone else? Turn it inward. Treat yourself with the same care, patience and respect. And being nice to yourself does not mean staying silent. It might mean setting boundaries, expressing how you feel and asking for what you need or giving yourself permission to take time to rest.
Being “nice” to yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential.
Finding Your Roar
Menopause isn’t the time to keep being “nice” at the expense of your well-being. It’s the time to find your voice, honour your needs and roar in a way that feels authentic to you.
And here’s the best part: when you stop silencing yourself and start addressing what you really need, food becomes just food—not a way of suppressing how you really feel ever again.
So go ahead, unlearn the “nice girl” rules and take up the space you deserve.
The world needs to hear your roar—whether it’s bold, graceful or somewhere in between! 🌟